Hello Dude, thanks for coming. I'm Jackie Treehorn.
Quite a pad you got here, man. Completely unspoiled.
What's your drink, Dude?
White Russian, thanks.
How's the smut business, Jackie?
I wouldn't know, Dude. I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy--
Which one's Logjammin'?
Yes regrettably, it's true, standards have fallen in adult entertainment. It's video, Dude. Now that we're competing with the amateurs, we can't afford to invest in little extras like story, production value, feelings.
People forget, that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone--
On you, maybe.
Of course, you have to take the good with the bad. The new technology permits us to do very exciting things in interactive erotic software. Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic.
Hmmm. Well, I still jerk off manually.
Ah heh, ha ha Of course you do. Well, I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point. Well, here it is Dude. Where's Bunny?
Well I thought you might know that, man.
Why would I? She only ran off to get away from that rather sizable debt to me.
Oh no, she didn't run off, she's been uh--
I've heard the kidnapping story, so save it. I know you're mixed up in all this, Dude, and I don't care what you're trying to get from the husband. That's your business. All I'm saying is, I want mine.
Yeah, right man, there are a lot of uh, facets uh, to this. A lotta interested parties uh--
Yeah, Oh yeah? Where's that?
No problemo man... So uh, if I uh, can find your money, ah, what's in it for the Dude?
Well of course, there's that to discuss. A Refill?
Yeah, did the Pope shit in the woods?
A 10% finder's fee? Is that alright?
Ummm! Okay, done Jackie. Yeah, I dig the way you do business man. Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. He lives in North Hollywood, on Radford, Uh, by the In-and-Out Burger.
A real fuckin' brat, but I'm sure your goons can get it off uh, him I mean he's fifteen...and flunking social studies. So if you could just uh, write me a check for my ten percent...of half a million...five grand.
I'll go out and mingle.--Ahem um, you mix a hell of a Caucasian, Jackie.
A fifteen-year-old? Is this some sort of a joke?
Awww, no joke. No funny stuff, Jackie...the kid's got it. Hi, fellas...kid just wanted a car. All the Dude ever wanted...was his rug back...not greedy...it really...tied the room together.
Darkness washed over the Dude--darker than a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.