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Scene 1
There Was This Fellah
Grocery Store
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A way out west there was this fellah, fellah I want to tell you about, fellah by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'.
They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fellah says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and this here story I'm about to unfold--well, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefying' as you'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feeling' like the good Lord gypped me.
Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties--just about the time of our conflict with Saddam and the Iraqis. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hero, 'cause what's a hero?--but sometimes there's a man......and I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles...the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County.
...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man...sometimes there's a man.
Lost my train of thought here. But --
--aw hell, I done introduced him enough.